My Picky Eater Rule

How many of you have a picky eater in the house? I know a lot of us have dealt with this at one point or another and it can make dinner time such a stressful experience, which it should never be. I firmly believe family dinners ( around the table) are so important to the family. It’s a chance for us all to sit down together over something delicious, talk about our days and whatever plans we might have for the coming days.

When my first child was born ( Grace) she was a really good eater. She ate whatever we put in front of her and I think as it is with most young babes and toddlers…anything carb related was her favorite. But there were the occasional times when she would not eat what was on her plate. And when that happens we all know how difficult it can be on us and the child. We as parents get mad and frustrated and your baby ends up crying. That’s when Josh and I came up with our one and only rule concerning food.

Take one bite and try it once! This became our motto when we encountered something Grace didn’t think she liked. And that’s always what it is isn’t it. They don’t want to try it because maybe it doesn’t look appealing enough for them and they think it will taste bad. I am with Pediatricians when they say, you have to try a food on your child about 12 times before they will really officially decide whether they like it or not. Repetition is key. So that’s what I did. When Grace didn’t want to try something on her plate, I would tell her…take one bite. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat the rest of it, but please try it once before you decide. ( You might want to break the conversation down to simpler terms depending on the age of your child.) And Voila, it worked like a charm. She began trying new foods and 9 out of 10 times, she loved them and would eat the whole thing on her plate. Grace is now, one of the best eaters I know. She is almost 7 yrs old and will pretty much try anything. I love that about her.

My other child Eden is another story. Eden, was a good eater with baby food, but when it was time for her to begin eating our food, she either liked it or wouldn’t try it at all. And she was/is way worse than Grace ever was. Which really perplexed me because I’ve used all the same tactics with her that I used on Grace. Eden is just a bit more stubborn. But I refuse to be the parent that yells at my kid for not eating. I mean let’s be honest…if your super upset with your kid because of what she isn’t eating, chances are, they are going to get as equally upset and start crying and then that pushes them farther into their stubbornness. We want meals to be a fun time for our children…not stressful and if they feel stressed by dinner or whatever meal they are having trouble with, then it’s going to be that much harder to get them to see the light.

If we get our kids to look forward to our meals and have them help us in the kitchen and watch the process that goes into cooking, I think they grow a deeper understanding and respect for it. And this can start at an early age. It doesn’t have to be when they are 4 or 5 yrs old. I’ve always had my kids in the kitchen with me. Except, when the baby gate had to come out because they could hurt themselves some way. But as soon as that phase was over, they are welcomed into the kitchen to watch. A lot of times, both of my girls will bring their stools down from their rooms and stand there and watch and ask a million and one questions. By doing this and keeping the kitchen door open, I believe this helps kids create healthy eating habits and prevent obesity.

But back to trying new things. Let me tell you about last night. For dinner last night, we bought some Swai. If you don’t know what Swai is, you are missing out. It’s an extremely affordable fish that is much like a catfish but without a fishy flavor. They are raised in Vietnam and shipped to the U.S.. We can normally buy a couple fillets for $3.99 lb and I know I’m getting a great piece of fish for that bargain of a price.

 So last night, we marinated some Swai in a Havana Garlic sauce that we had picked up at the store. We had rice and garlic bread with it as well to even out the fish. Grace, of course loved it. She has grown up on fish and adores it. Eden on the other hand, refused to try it. She ate all of her rice and her garlic bread, but wouldn’t touch the fish. Many times, we would tell her to just take one bite and then she didn’t have to eat anymore. She still refused. Josh even said,” I highly doubt she is going to try this. And I said,” She will if she lives in my household, lol!” I finally told her that if she did not try at least one bite of her fish, she could not have ice cream with Gracie. ( The girls had picked out Neapolitan Ice Cream earlier that day.) And still she wouldn’t eat and continued to have a grumpy face.  Finally after about 5-7 minutes of Grace and I talking her through it ( but not threatening) she tried it. And you know what, she loved it. In fact, she ate the whole section of fish that we put on her plate, which was quite a bit! And every time she took a bite, she got praised. Positive reinforcement goes a long way with our kids. I could tell Eden was quite proud of herself and when Josh came back to the dining room, he was so surprised to see that she ate it. And she got praised again! Plus, she got her bowl of ice cream.

I’m not saying every meal will be so successful…but you have to keep trying and working at it with your kids otherwise, they’ll be the kind of child that only eats boxed macaroni and cheese and chips. Which is fine…in moderation.

So how do you know when to be a stickler to get your child to eat and when to be a bit more lax about it. I say, that whenever you are out at a restaurant or at family’s or friends houses…it’s okay to not push the limit with your kids. For our kids, we don’t take them to restaurants very often. So when they do get to go, it’s a wonderful experience for them. Grace at almost 7, knows better than to not eat and wander around. Eden is still learning and I will try and get her to eat as much as I can, but I’m not going to punish her for not eating everything. She’s excited to be out in a new place and wants to look around and stare and talk and play.  And just because I let her get away with it then, by no means that I am letting her be the one in control. I’m just simply picking my battles and I think the battles are more often won in our own environment at home. The same thing goes when we’re at some one’s house. If they don’t eat all their food, then so be it. This goes for Grace too, because sometimes she gets distracted. But in her case, there will be no food later and certainly no dessert if she doesn’t at least all that is on her plate. Eden, will be allowed to graze…but she does not get dessert later for grazing.

So for you moms ( myself included) stay persistent and loving with your children. Don’t ground them for not eating, and do not guilt trip them into eating their food by saying,” If you love me you’ll try it.” Our love is not conditional on whether they eat and I don’t want them get that wrong idea of what love means. My mom tried that move on me a few times when it came to onions or other foods I wasn’t fond of. . I hated it when she would say that to me, but I always tried the food she wanted me to try. I just didn’t like the way she went about it…although her intentions were good. Just let there be consequences for not eating or trying things.

If it works for you, you can find recipes that are full of healthy foods but disguised to make it look like it’s not healthy at all. If that works for you, go for it. But I don’t really like that route. I think it’s slightly deceptive. But that’s my opinion.

Good luck with your picky eaters and have patience. They may never like mushrooms or onions ( like me) but if you can get them to enjoy fruit and veggies and maybe the occasional bite of fish, your doing great!